A How To On Getting Over Your Shitty Ex

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So, your world has just imploded. Maybe you got dumped out of the blue, perhaps you caught your boyfriend or girlfriend cheating, maybe it was a slow burner break up, but GOD DAMN IT, it still hurts. We’ve all been there, and although the road of heartbreak is undeniably one of the hardest and loneliest paths you’ll ever have to walk, you will make it through. I absolutely promise you that.

Although I can’t do very much to make it easier for you, I can give you my most tried and tested advice, and believe me, this is tried and tested. I have been the craziest, saddest and the most pathetic person you’ll have ever met in your life post-breakup, and if I can come out at the other end still feeling Beyoncé after two wines, you sure as hell can too!

First things first: avoid all sad music. I know first hand how tempting it is to put Adele or Sam Smith’s album on repeat and sob into your pillow (they just like, get your pain), but you shouldn’t, and here’s why: you will always relate that song/album to your ex. You think you can go the rest of your life without hearing Adele? Who are you kidding?! For the next few years, whenever she pops up on the radio or on your Spotify shuffle your ex will immediately pop into your head. It’s just a bad idea. Also, it doesn’t do well to dwell on your pain too much. Of course you’re going to cry, a lot, but maybe it doesn’t need a soundtrack hun. Once you feel able to appear in public again, the best course of action is to distract yourself with as many fun activities as you can. Fill your calendar with days out with your friends, book a holiday or festival – make sure you’ve always got something to look forward to. By the end of the Summer, you’ll have a calendar full of fun memories and you may not have even noticed it happening, but you won’t care as much about the one who broketh your heart.

Next, it’s time to think about is how to better yourself. You might be ambitious as hell, so go get it! Throw yourself into work, or if you aren’t in a job you enjoy take steps toward getting that dream job. If your lucky enough to already be in your ideal job, work as hard as you can and get the recognition you deserve. Break ups can make you feel worthless, so remind yourself that you are absolutely the boss by bossing your job. You probably feel like you’ll never love again. I know you also may not even want to look at another person, but a key part of moving on is understanding that you will have feelings for someone other than your ex. Hit up Tinder, or whatever other dating apps/website that tickle your fancy. Hell, one of my friends chased me relentlessly to join her in speed dating – just do whatever you want as long as it gets you meeting new people. What else do you need to do? How about something you’ve always wanted to do, whatever that might be. Learn to play the guitar? You got this. Go travelling alone? I can vouch for this being mostly excellent. Maybe your relationship, as great as it was, was holding you back. Now you’ve got extra free time to spend challenging yourself.

Ok guys, this is probably the most important but most difficult piece of advice to follow. DO NOT ONLINE STALK YOUR EX. Do not online stalk your ex’s new partner. My god, try not to think in any way about what they’re doing. I promise, you’ll become obsessive. Been there, done that, it is a pretty depressing place to be. You know what else you need to do? Delete time-hop and stop checking Facebook’s ‘on this day’ feature. Daily reminders of all the fun stuff you were doing with your ex this time last year? I don’t THINK so. At least for the time being, just get rid of it, babe. Take up exercise. Running is a great way to clear your head, it gives you a release and also time alone with your thoughts. Maybe you can do kickboxing instead and punch some rage out? Either way, you can use exercise as a release and it makes you feel much better about yourself to boot. It’s quite a typical response to a break up to try and reinvent yourself, but it can be a great boost to your self esteem – so go for it! Get blonde highlights, buy yourself a brand new wardrobe, whatever.

The most important piece of advice I can possibly give you though, is this: don’t lose sight of who you are and how valuable you are to others. It can be easy to suddenly feel incomplete or less worthwhile after a breakup, and it’s natural to wonder if you will ever be accepted and loved in the same way again. No matter what happened, or how terrible you feel, it will most definitely be ok again at some point. Do what you’ve got to do to get through the initial hard times, and the good times look 10x sweeter on the other side. I can promise you that.

Follow Hayley on Twitter @hayleylbrown
(Artwork via @thepoopculture)