Sex is something I talk about a lot. Whether I’m discussing the latest dick appointments with friends or talking about the woes of contraception, sex isn’t a topic that I shy away from. However, one thing I’ve noticed that I don’t really talk or think too much about is The Big O. Now don’t get me wrong, I know what it is and she and I have been friends for some time now. But I can admit that it is one part of sex that I haven’t been as open to discussing with people, simply because it has never happened during the act.
Yes, I am one of those people who has never experienced an orgasm during sex with a partner. I used to think that I was the only one in the world who found it so difficult to reach that point with someone, but apparently, I’m not. Recently, there was a discussion on Twitter about orgasms, why they’re important and why women shouldn’t continue to sleep with men, who won’t provide or even try to get them there. I sat back reading and observing what the girls were saying and I was really surprised to see how many other women were tweeting their experiences, or lack thereof, with The Big O. Again, I believed it was a personal struggle of my own and not something that women from all over the Twittersphere were struggling with too.
Thanks to television, film and of course, porn, I thought that an orgasm was a right of passage. Something every woman had the pleasure of feeling during sex and something that was fairly easy to obtain. Like many of us, I have been masturbating for years and I’ve come to know my body really well. Climaxing and I have come to know each other personally and have a pretty straightforward relationship. She will always – and quite efficiently I might add – grant me the pleasure of her presence when its just me, myself and my jazz fingers. But as soon as I bring anyone else into the mix, she takes a very long and abrupt vacation.
I used to think it was the men I was sleeping with and that’s why she hid in a cave whenever they were about. Maybe she didn’t think them worthy or perhaps they weren’t working hard enough for it. I’ve had my fair share of lacklustre sexual partners, though I haven’t actually been having sex for that long, and I now know what I want and most importantly, what I don’t want. I’ve been having great sex as of lately with a great guy who is as attentive as I could wish for but I’ve yet to reach that final destination at Cum City. I’ve read before that women don’t allow themselves to climax/orgasm to their full potential with a sexual partner because we don’t want to fall in love and perhaps I fit the bill. Maybe I’m the one holding myself back and I know that if I give this guy my all sexually, I’ll be so lost in the sauce I won’t ever be able to swim ashore. That seems like a probable theory but I don’t buy it that I’m afraid of giving my all or falling in love. I love, love! I’ve never been heartbroken or had any reason to be scared of falling for someone.
I’ve realised that this isn’t something I should be ashamed of in any way. Of course, I’d love to be like those women who’ve regular orgasms every time they have sex but, that’s just not going to happen for me and I’m okay with that. The Big O and I have a complicated relationship but I know how to get her on my own and for now, I am content with that. I’m just going to focus on enjoying the great sex I’m currently having and opening up myself more to talk about the final finishes and their temperamental nature.
Follow Nabilla on Twitter @bilzyb
(Artwork via @thepoopculture)