We All Have Needs, Sexual Needs

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Guys seem to be able to just go out and get laid then get a pat on the back for their successful one nighter, but us ladies will be judged for doing the exact same thing. Now, don’t panic I’m not about to go on some feminist rant, (although I could quite happily) this is all about ladies getting the loving that they deserve, even if it has to be self-love.

For those in relationships you’ve got it easy, you can pretty much get some whenever you see fit, in other words, you’ve got dick on tap. The rest of us have to rely on fuck buddies, toys and our good old fashioned hands, but mainly when the batteries run low. In my friendship group we are pretty open about our need to get laid on a regular basis, to the point where we actually encourage each others slutty ways. Because hell, if one of us is getting the opportunity to get dicked down then we all live vicariously through that friend. Incidentally while we spend the evening alone trawling the internet for the right video to appease our sexual fantasies.

For some reason it is still a shock to many people that girls watch and enjoy porn. Wake up people! For girls, it takes a lot more for us to get our fill so finding the exact video we need to help take us over the edge can sometimes take a little longer than planned. I was meeting a friend for drinks a couple of weeks ago, she informed me that she was running a little late. She then messaged me again when she was actually on her way and by now was in fact very late. Once we got together I of course asked her what held her up and why she took to so long, to which she said, “Honestly? I was having a wank and I couldn’t find the right video.”

This isn’t the first time that I’ve been pushed aside for my friends’ sexual needs, I asked a friend of if she was free for a drink the following evening, only for her to reply that she had prior engagements of a dick appointment and wouldn’t be able to make it. Now, believe me when I say I wasn’t at all miffed that I’d been pushed aside because truth be told, if I had the pleasure of having scheduled a dick appointment, I too would be off like a shot. When you’re a single woman, you never know when the next opportunity might cum about – pun intended.

The norm of finding a bit of fun and a fumble these days is quite literally at our fingertips. With dating apps, a couple of swipes and a bit of flanter, you could be meeting that special someone the following night if you so please.

My friends are pretty hilarious, one of which keeps Tinder hidden in her utilities folder on her iPhone. And her reason for doing this? Because she didn’t want a relationship and dick was just a utility for her. Dating apps and one night stands aren’t for everyone though and so that’s when our little (or large) vibrating friends come into play. The best thing is they are always around and up for it and there are some occasions that they excel more than they do on an average outing. And on the following day at work when someone impolitely says, “You seem to be in a good mood today, what did you get up to last night?” You simply reply through with a smirk, “Put fresh batteries in ole’ Rodger rabbit didn’t I.” to which laughter follows.

While we’re on the subject of batteries – why don’t most toys take a standard AA battery? It’s always an obscure size that you never have in your random draw that holds everything. On one occasion at work I spotted the perfect sized batteries that work for only two tools, vibrators and something of actual use I’m guessing. I asked a friend if it would be inappropriate to steal said batteries from my place of work, but who was I kidding? I was going to take them and use them in my own time. Why the fuck not!

What I’m trying to say here is, however you get it girls, just get it.

Follow Clare on Twitter @ClareThirgood

(Image via @thepoopculture)